It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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