in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
