Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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