I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
