Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
