I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
