Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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