this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
