just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
