woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
