the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
