chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
