hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
