I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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