i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
