Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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