Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
