i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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