Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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