I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
