May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
