All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
