the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is classic penis vs brain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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