I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
