what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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