Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
