I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
