epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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