So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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