So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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