you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
