Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
