i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
