I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
