I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
