I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
