she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
