Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
