There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ruined the universe
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
