party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
