sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I want her autograph on my taint
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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