I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
