I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
