put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
