didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
