my mouth tastes like poor choices
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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