I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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