so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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