I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
