you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
