I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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