Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I love you.
Bad choice
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
