Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
